Jaden turned FOUR last December. I figured it doesn’t take much to make a kid happy on his special day – a Transformer cake, some balloons and we’ll have the grandparents over. That’s it, cosy and simple.
But as I went along, I thought, “Hmm… he is old enough to remember his birthday party now. What if he thinks I didn’t do a great job?” So I resolved to add some nice decorations and invite more kids to hang out with him. Afterall, we were also planning a huge party for his brothers’ Big One a few weeks later. What if, he remembers that his birthday celebration pales in comparison with his brothers’? I’ll be so sad if I were him.
And so, what started out as a simple party quickly snowballed.
Being the mom who wants to create lots of happy moments for her kids, it evolved into planning for a Christmas-themed birthday party in our very own home, still with some balloons, plus a mini DIY dessert table, and invites to a dozen of Daddy Chuck’s long-time friends, with the bonus that all the kids are already familiar with one another. I was just short of baking his birthday cake myself!
And, here is a letter to my boy.
Happy birthday my dear boy! As I sit down to write your annual birthday message this year, I am struck by something that makes me both excited and a little sad at the same time – you are no longer a baby, not even a toddler. You are such a big boy now. I am starting to see more and more of YOU every day, the you that makes you Jaden, and nobody else.
You are humorous. You are brave. You are adventurous. You are passionate about things you love. You have a mind of your own and nobody can force you to do things you don’t like. I am so grateful that I get to watch you grow into YOU each and every day.
This has been a monumental year for you. You have adapted to every change we threw at you. There have been a couple of them. From the arrival of your two brothers to moving to a new home to changing to a new school. All these must have been hard for your little mind to comprehend.
Mama feels a deep sense of guilt towards you.
Before your brothers arrived, I couldn’t do much physical bonding with you because your baby brothers were causing my tummy to bloat like a big fat hippo. In fact, mama was advised to have more bed rest and we had to change you from a 2-hour school to a full-day childcare centre just to make sure you were properly looked after.
After your brothers arrived, my time spent with you dwindled as I have to give a lot of attention to them. I know you feel very sad because you may feel that they have robbed you of your mama. Every morning when I kiss you goodbye at the gate, I can’t help but feel heartbroken that I have to send you off so that I can take care of them.
I want you to know that you are still my baby, my firstborn child, the one who burst my heart wide open. You taught me what wild, uncontrollable, unlimited love feels like. You turned me into a mom. And you’ll always be special to me.
So when you’re feeling frustrated that I’m nursing your brother Jonas instead of playing farm machines, or that I might use stern words with you, but not them (they are just babies), or that I can’t stop talking about how cute they are (I like infants the way you like Transformers), know that there is more than enough love for all three of you, because of the ever-expanding place in my heart that you’ve created.
I can’t wait to see what FIVE will bring you. I still want to be there for you. I want to hear about your day and your dreams and your fears. We will go on more bear hunts and we will see the world together. Stay happy my little boy!